English / 04.02.2020 / 3212

The thought of eternal life

Nikolay Mokhov, author from the Dark Side of Business

Neuroscientists say that the bigger the brain, the longer a mammal lives. And there is also a commonplace observation: people who are engaged in research, teaching, and theoretical science live long. You can count straight from Plato, who died at the age of eighty. His colleague Newton at 84, Mendeleev at 72, Einstein at 76, physicist Niels Bohr at 77, and so on. And the other day I was walking around Cyprus with a PhD, so she told me:

— And we also had a professor, who came to the department at ninety-five and said that he was tired and would work from home... But of course his brain is crystal clear. He thinks very clearly.

Maybe scientists have some kind of particularly healthy lifestyle? Yeah, very funny. Think of Sigmund Freud, the cocaine evangelist who died of morphine, and the author of an immortal statement:

— Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

To what age did the founder of psychoanalysis live? Up to eighty-three years old, any encyclopedia will tell you. And he died of his own free will — the cocaine addict took morphine. So he had cancer, right? They almost removed his jaw, didn't they? Removed. But let's separate two concepts: long life and health. At least, for starters. It's a good thing to note that health and the absence of diseases are also two different things. But that's a thought from another story, not yet written. Let's talk about longevity for now.

Innocent pranks, unlike new-fashioned biohacking, do extend life

— I check my body every year. I pass all the necessary tests. Also, what do you think about biohacking? — asks another nouveau riche. The guy made a lot of money, and immediately he had a strong desire to save progress — stay as healthy and rich. People like him throw spears of advice at the topic of a long life:

— You should only eat raw meat!

— Don't eat meat! Only vegetables!

— You should starve once every three months.

— Do not starve, rather eat less every day. No more than a thousand calories a day!

— It's not about the food, it's about the place, where you live. Have you heard of green zones?

— Don't eat fat!

— Fat is good. Scientists have found out. There's good cholesterol, and there's a harmful one!

— I have special vitamins. And throw away any food waste!

— We should stay out in the cold a little longer. The English are accustomed to the cold from childhood!

I like to have conversations with biohackers in Cypriot taverns. I enjoy a fat slice of pizza with four kinds of cheese during the conversation. I wash it down with black sweet (no medium, only sweet) coffee. And then I ask for a glass of cognac and light a cigarette. And you should order pizza when you meet with biohackers, too. Some "health nuts" can't stand it and grab a slice. They consume it with a sense of shame about the carbs they get. And of course, they think you're a tempting snake:

— Take a bite of the pizza of knowledge! You'll understand what good and evil are...

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“You realize that you can't even work as a janitor? Today, even they have a higher education... And you can't even string three words together," shouted the fat math teacher.

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— I need to self-determine myself! — our interlocutor started with a banality. Ilya and I experienced a toothache. From the depths of memory rose the shadows of businessmen who had lost their lives in attempts to determine themselves, or rather to put a label on themselves. In the meantime, our vis-a-vis was throwing the names of the great ones on the table:

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And then he told his story. And his story refuted the theories of many respected authors, including those mentioned. I would write this story down with a pen, roll up the paper, and put it in a bottle, go out to sea on a yacht, and throw it into deep waters. But I don't have a yacht, and I don't have a pen, so read the letters electronically...