English / 04.02.2020 / 1142

The thought of eternal life

Nikolay Mokhov, author from the Dark Side of Business

Neuroscientists say that the bigger the brain, the longer a mammal lives. And there is also a commonplace observation: people who are engaged in research, teaching, and theoretical science live long. You can count straight from Plato, who died at the age of eighty. His colleague Newton at 84, Mendeleev at 72, Einstein at 76, physicist Niels Bohr at 77, and so on. And the other day I was walking around Cyprus with a PhD, so she told me:

— And we also had a professor, who came to the department at ninety-five and said that he was tired and would work from home... But of course his brain is crystal clear. He thinks very clearly.

Maybe scientists have some kind of particularly healthy lifestyle? Yeah, very funny. Think of Sigmund Freud, the cocaine evangelist who died of morphine, and the author of an immortal statement:

— Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

To what age did the founder of psychoanalysis live? Up to eighty-three years old, any encyclopedia will tell you. And he died of his own free will — the cocaine addict took morphine. So he had cancer, right? They almost removed his jaw, didn't they? Removed. But let's separate two concepts: long life and health. At least, for starters. It's a good thing to note that health and the absence of diseases are also two different things. But that's a thought from another story, not yet written. Let's talk about longevity for now.

Innocent pranks, unlike new-fashioned biohacking, do extend life

— I check my body every year. I pass all the necessary tests. Also, what do you think about biohacking? — asks another nouveau riche. The guy made a lot of money, and immediately he had a strong desire to save progress — stay as healthy and rich. People like him throw spears of advice at the topic of a long life:

— You should only eat raw meat!

— Don't eat meat! Only vegetables!

— You should starve once every three months.

— Do not starve, rather eat less every day. No more than a thousand calories a day!

— It's not about the food, it's about the place, where you live. Have you heard of green zones?

— Don't eat fat!

— Fat is good. Scientists have found out. There's good cholesterol, and there's a harmful one!

— I have special vitamins. And throw away any food waste!

— We should stay out in the cold a little longer. The English are accustomed to the cold from childhood!

I like to have conversations with biohackers in Cypriot taverns. I enjoy a fat slice of pizza with four kinds of cheese during the conversation. I wash it down with black sweet (no medium, only sweet) coffee. And then I ask for a glass of cognac and light a cigarette. And you should order pizza when you meet with biohackers, too. Some "health nuts" can't stand it and grab a slice. They consume it with a sense of shame about the carbs they get. And of course, they think you're a tempting snake:

— Take a bite of the pizza of knowledge! You'll understand what good and evil are...

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From the heading

The Simple Person's Nightmare

I am a complex person. And there exist simple people. Simple people have it really bad right now. A simple person is faced with a crisis and doesn't know what to do with themselves. What is a crisis for them? They used to work as a fitness trainer, and now they can't. They have to rebuild their whole life, but how? Their slightly more advanced friends and relatives tell them:

“Well, you can do workouts through Skype!”

Don’t You Worry, Dear, You’re Tripping

There are hallucinations that we join in on. And there are those that we walk past. And there are people who hallucinate, but don’t want to share their world — we call them schizophrenics. Schizophrenics are outsiders in our hallucinogenic world. We’re not going to talk about them today. We’re going to talk about the leaders of the hallucinogenic world.

Leonardo’s Notes

“The problem is, Nikolai, that you never finish anything you start. You don’t even have a degree,” my girlfriend scolded me. We were on the subway.
She had just received some money to make a website, where she would eventually put up some boring local news. The site had dramatically less subscribers than even her Facebook page. In a couple years, the project went bankrupt. But she never lost her faith in the magical formula:

“You need closure. Every beginning has an end…”

Toxic?!

...And the complaints started coming in from all over the Internet. We heard a quacking from the Facebook swamp:

— And my mum used to tell me: haven't you eaten too much? My mum's toxic!

"Toxes will never admit their mistakes!" the second frog answered her...