English / 05.03.2020 / 5374

Queen of the spoken word...

Nikolay Mokhov, author from the Dark Side of Business

Tanya’s mother beat her weekly. She tried to restrain herself, and not hit her child every day, but it didn't always work out. It was all thanks to her daughter being so different with her fantastical stupidity and incredible self-confidence.

“You realize that you can't even work as a janitor? Today, even they have a higher education... And you can't even string three words together," shouted the fat math teacher.

“I'll be a queen," replied Tanya. In class, they made fun of her dream. In an impoverished school in the nineties, girls might’ve wanted to marry a bandit. The Prince Charming of that era was a jumpy dude in leather with a jeep and a gun. For romantic women – Danila Bagrov – he’ll make a shotgun with his own hands. He’ll also restore justice and help prostitutes in a foreign country. And, well, if you want to be a queen... you’ll need a king. And in the province, there's only a vodka king. By the way, there was talk that the local king had his own test…

However, Tanya wouldn't accept him as a candidate for husband anyway. The girl knew exactly who she wanted to be. She was supposed to have a title and a castle. The lack of a title and a castle is a terrible mistake, which is why she ended up in this strange family and in this provincial town. For hours she’d think, what kind of royal family was she from? Maybe an English one? Tanya was twelve when Lady Dee died. The girl was reading about the Princess of Wales...

Tanya wasn't stupid; she just used her intellectual power sparingly

- She's like a bunny... energizer, damn it... except there's nothing to talk about with her," the men said to each other. They weren't right. Tatyana had various subjects that she’d talk about:

“Honey, I was in an accident!” “Sweetheart, I wasn't accepted to university!” “Dear, I got expelled!”

The girl believed in the division of duties. Her job was to take care of her appearance and gossip with her friends, while the man’s task was to solve her many problems. Few have done it.

“That foolish girl is driving me insane! Yesterday, she almost got me killed. She made eyes at some Caucasians at a cafe, and then she called me, saying, ‘Honey, save me, I could get raped...’ And today I have to go to the dean's office to decide on her expulsion... That's it. I can't," said another knight who never became king, giving up halfway through.

Tanya wasn't worried about the disappearance of her lovers. The spot next to her was never empty. The girl was more afraid of the quality of the candidates. No one could meet her needs. Not sexual, but financial. Until he showed up. Or how she liked to write - He...

From the heading

Superstar of Conversational Writing

Oh! Were you expecting something? That’s odd. So many people gathered, and nothing’s happening. No-thing. Absolutely nothing. Can you imagine it? You might have thought we’d have a new text for you here, maybe even a story. One with elements of philosophical and theological discussion, one filled with real stories and adapted for practical use. So many expectations, and here I am, unprepared. I didn’t write a single word. It’s embarrassing, really. Well, don’t you worry. We’ll find something to “snack on”. I can’t promise a real feast of the mind, but there will be some food for thought. Like a diligent housewife who wasn’t expecting guests, I’ll have to come up with something on the spot. That’s not a problem. I just have to find the first Word. The second one will find itself. And before you know it, we’ll have enough for some salad and a couple sandwiches. It’s no Christmas dinner, sure, but if you pull out that bottle you have stashed away…

The Simple Person's Nightmare

I am a complex person. And there exist simple people. Simple people have it really bad right now. A simple person is faced with a crisis and doesn't know what to do with themselves. What is a crisis for them? They used to work as a fitness trainer, and now they can't. They have to rebuild their whole life, but how? Their slightly more advanced friends and relatives tell them:

“Well, you can do workouts through Skype!”

The Student

I’m watching time grinding big businesses to dust. Some of them I know quite well. Just yesterday, their owners used to think they were rich. Today they find out: a couple more months of quarantine and only dust will remain of all their treasures. And not golden dust — gray dust. Tomorrow, those who used to be held up as an example to all will be forgotten. New heroes will appear. Looking at these stories, I remember the words of my Teacher:

Toxic?!

...And the complaints started coming in from all over the Internet. We heard a quacking from the Facebook swamp:

— And my mum used to tell me: haven't you eaten too much? My mum's toxic!

"Toxes will never admit their mistakes!" the second frog answered her...