English / 05.03.2020 / 3036

Queen of the spoken word...

Nikolay Mokhov, author from the Dark Side of Business

Tanya’s mother beat her weekly. She tried to restrain herself, and not hit her child every day, but it didn't always work out. It was all thanks to her daughter being so different with her fantastical stupidity and incredible self-confidence.

“You realize that you can't even work as a janitor? Today, even they have a higher education... And you can't even string three words together," shouted the fat math teacher.

“I'll be a queen," replied Tanya. In class, they made fun of her dream. In an impoverished school in the nineties, girls might’ve wanted to marry a bandit. The Prince Charming of that era was a jumpy dude in leather with a jeep and a gun. For romantic women – Danila Bagrov – he’ll make a shotgun with his own hands. He’ll also restore justice and help prostitutes in a foreign country. And, well, if you want to be a queen... you’ll need a king. And in the province, there's only a vodka king. By the way, there was talk that the local king had his own test…

However, Tanya wouldn't accept him as a candidate for husband anyway. The girl knew exactly who she wanted to be. She was supposed to have a title and a castle. The lack of a title and a castle is a terrible mistake, which is why she ended up in this strange family and in this provincial town. For hours she’d think, what kind of royal family was she from? Maybe an English one? Tanya was twelve when Lady Dee died. The girl was reading about the Princess of Wales...

Tanya wasn't stupid; she just used her intellectual power sparingly

- She's like a bunny... energizer, damn it... except there's nothing to talk about with her," the men said to each other. They weren't right. Tatyana had various subjects that she’d talk about:

“Honey, I was in an accident!” “Sweetheart, I wasn't accepted to university!” “Dear, I got expelled!”

The girl believed in the division of duties. Her job was to take care of her appearance and gossip with her friends, while the man’s task was to solve her many problems. Few have done it.

“That foolish girl is driving me insane! Yesterday, she almost got me killed. She made eyes at some Caucasians at a cafe, and then she called me, saying, ‘Honey, save me, I could get raped...’ And today I have to go to the dean's office to decide on her expulsion... That's it. I can't," said another knight who never became king, giving up halfway through.

Tanya wasn't worried about the disappearance of her lovers. The spot next to her was never empty. The girl was more afraid of the quality of the candidates. No one could meet her needs. Not sexual, but financial. Until he showed up. Or how she liked to write - He...

From the heading

Whetstone for attention

— So the secret to success is to be in the right place at the right time?" - Someone asked in the Dark Side chat. How can I comment on this? Let me tell you about a multi-million dollar deal I once made. I'm not telling the story to show off as the money was already spent for parties in the city a long time ago — there is nothing to brag about. I'm telling the story to illustrate one principle.

So, here is the story. At a restaurant in Moscow, there was this construction businessman, his PR guy, and me. I had already handed over a report on my work. I was having some coffee, meanwhile listening to them discussing the promotion of business operations abroad.

The Teacher's Label

A fat writer Dima Bykov in poor health with his head held high has distinguished himself. He has decided to rank in descending order the passed away colleagues. Some of them has been ranked first, others take second and even third places. Sergei Dovlatov has been taken down a peg next to his classmates. The teacher Bykov gave him a satisfactory grade. He even didn’t hide that he wanted to give him a poor grade.

Dima Bykov has unleashed a war on social media by his ranking. Somebody noticed that the teacher is not good even at his own domain. Someone replied that he have been aware of Dovlatov’s bad marks... I was astonished by the desire to make value judgements about literature and even the literary characters. This approach reeks of the judgments of school teachers. It's not the most pleasant aroma...

Vampires True and False

“How can I tell if my girlfriend is an energy vampire?” this wonderful question appeared in the Dark Side’s chat recently.

I can picture it vividly. The reader, having carefully whittled their wooden stake, is preparing to strike down their new lover. I suggest they put down their weapon, restore the cloves of garlic to the kitchen cabinet, and get that silver bullet melted down. Maybe it could make a nice pendant for the “vampiress”…

Escaping Fate?

My grandfather Semyon escaped dekulakization, a wave of Soviet repressions in the 1930s. He grew up in a big family. His father died fighting in the First World War, and his grandfather (my great-grandfather) had a fairly decent, by rural standards, household. He had a sturdy house, some horses… In the Soviet thirties, this was a death sentence.